TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS

A GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
May 30, 2009 - Don & Arnette

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. I Corinthians 13:12-13

We celebrated the occasion – oh my, did we ever – in grand manner. First came our total surprise party which “the kids” had been planning since December along with dear friends. It was awesome, classy, filled with fun, food and people we love. We both cried and laughed and enjoyed a wonderful day. The second celebration which we knew about because we planned it was a weekend at the Grand Californian Hotel at Disneyland with ALL the big “kids” and grandkids. It turned out to be one of the most special family times ever, but I’ve written about that someplace else.

More than a few people have asked “What is it like to be married 50 years?”, and I had no immediate answer except to just shake my head, make a joke or pontificate which turned out sounding rather canned and preachy. Sadly, there are less and less marriages surviving, so it is a unique accomplishment to have reached the milestone of being wed to one person for so many years. After giving this matter considerable thought, here’s my version of what it feels like to be married 50 years to the same person. Yes, it was wonderful, yes it was not wonderful, it was boring, it was exciting, yes it was limiting, yes it was stretching, it was (and is) sweet to wake up beside each other to begin a new day. At times it seemed impossible to last another day --- but, “with God, all things are possible.” We made God a part of our marriage – I do believe it is the key to survivability in any relationship. For us it was a total gift of grace to each of us from Him.

Long ago we pledged our love to one another and promised to cling to one another “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness or in health, until death do we part” never even having an inkling of what would lie ahead for our marriage relationship. Except for the death part, we have experienced all that we promised – and we have clung to one another through it all.

During the 50 years, there is not much we were spared: health, severe illness, surgeries, mortgages, tears, laughter, struggles, economic setbacks, building a house, leaving that house to move across the country to a new and difficult situation, injustice, accidents etc. One does not live 70+ years and not have experienced a variety of life’s challenges. Two necessary ingredients in facing the difficulties were a sense of humor and an optimistic point of view.

Nothing matched the joy of the birth of each of our three children except perhaps to see the next generation in our beloved grandchildren. The pride we have felt with each of them and their spouses has been indescribable. Family is such an vital part of life—it is part of God’s design to give us happiness, completeness and purpose while teaching us how very much He loves and cares for us. Part of the maturing process has been clinging to one another through the joy and difficulties of family life while praying to make sense of the experiences, sometimes in the fullness of trust, sometimes in the agony of despair. Knowing God made the difference.

Our brothers and sisters in Christ were our best friends through the years as we laughed, cried, supported and loved one another. Life would be empty without these dear people who share a mutual goal of fulfilling His purpose. With them we looked for wisdom and guidance from God in each aspect of our lives; with them we experienced and shared the pain and discouragement along with the happiness and joy life dispensed. We are truly blessed to be a part of the family of God.

When I think about the 50 years of marriage, my heart is so full I can barely comprehend God’s goodness to us. As we have aged (not thinking it would ever happen), our relationship has become richer, more comfortable, more honest, more forgiving of one another’s short-comings – still far from perfect as we so naively envisioned. “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.” It is only after a multitude of years that we can in truth acknowledge the comfort and sweetness and yes, even the bitterness of having lived together and loved one another for 50 years. Tomorrow is uncertain as it always has been, but there is peace in knowing that He who has guided and sustained us will continue to be there for us. The King James version of I Corinthians 13 was read at our wedding and reread it at our 50th celebration from The Message paraphrase. It is God’s simple but profound take on how to love. The last verse is our prayer for us.

Trust steadily in God,hope unswervingly,
love extravagantly.
And the best of the three is love.

50 years - WORTH CELEBRATING

We celebrated our 50th Anniversary at Disneyland with the ALL the family – it was FANTASTIC in every way. Came home late this afternoon to welcoming puppies -- tired (don't know why) and very happy with tons of great memories. The actual date is May 30, 1959 – so very long ago. When we look at our 50 years wedding pictures, they seem to resemble nobody I know today.

Saturday afternoon we all checked in at the Grand California adjacent to Disneyland. Our rooms were on the 3rd floor and four in a row. Kurt, Karen & Lane’s room connected with ours, and all of us were in and out of one another’s rooms for the whole time enjoying the closeness. Dionne & Darin had adjoining rooms with Scott, Lisa, Cooper & Luke. While we waited in our rooms, Dionne told us we weren’t allowed to leave for at least an hour, so they waited with us as did KK&L (Scott et al were a bit late in arriving). Waiting was rewarded with a lovely delivery of chocolate covered strawberries made to resemble tuxedos and HAPPY 50TH ANNIVERSARY written around the edge of the plate in chocolate. YUM. A lovely bottle of sparkling wine accompanied the berries ---- we toasted one another and were cheered by our kids giggling and taking pictures.

About 4 o’clock, we all got fancied up for a special celebration dinner at Napa Rose (a four star restaurant). Dinner reservations were at 5:30 p.m. Dionne had requested a special place in the restaurant and they had given us this wonderful, secluded “nook” in the back of restaurant. It fit our party of 11 of us perfectly – away from the traffic and the noise (except for our rowdiness) . She also requested Sauci as our waiter (he is a samoulia and a chef as well). What a charming man he is – he made us laugh, served us well and delighted the kids and grownups without being intrusive. He even took our picture and did a great job ---. Our evening around the table began by a reading of I Corinthians 13 by Darin & Dionne which was read at our wedding, and then Don prayed for the evening and for the food.

In between the courses there was a quiz about Mimi & Pop when they were much younger – about 50 years younger. There was a question for everyone and a prize – Disney dollars for the grandkids and a mug with all our mugs on it for the older kids along with Disney drinking glasses. It was fun and funny as they learned more about us than they ever needed (or wanted) to know. Darling Cooper wrote a song for Mimi & Pop’s anniversary and sang it in front of everybody. It was quite clever for a 7 year old and went like this:

We hope you have a great anniversary.

50 years is a really long time.

Thank you for loving us and we love you, too.
Happy, happy, happy anniversary to you!

The grandkids each got an enormous bag full of goodies (mostly Disney stuff which we had collected and put in a Disney bag) for them to remember the event and to have fun as well --- there were a couple dozen presents which evoked lots of smile, squeels and fun for us grow-ups to watch them enjoy. Just before desert Don and Arnette shared with everybody why they loved one another --- it was a very special occasion, and we were done in a mere 3 hours (or a bit more). Time for bed as we all were exhausted from laughing, eating and enjoying each other. God is good – family is a precious gift of His love.

Sunday morning we had prearranged to meet Tracy (Dionne’s friend who works at Disneyland) at California Adventure (by the C) at 9:30 a.m. where she let 3 of us in free. Since she choreographs the Aladdin Show, we also were to meet there at 2 o’clock with VIP seating – great show. Our first ride was on California soaring – all 11 of us went in a seat which felt exactly like we were in a plane flying over various parts of California – San Francisco, Yoseminite, San Diego, orange groves etc. ending with a flight over Disneyland with Tinkerbell and fireworks. Then we split up and as the boys wanted to go to the Star Wars show across the way in Disneyland. Becoming a Jedi was certainly the highlight of the weekend for Cooper--- how totally awesome that he got picked!!!!!! His smile never left his face during all of the training. Luke, who did not get picked made us all proud by enjoying his older brother’s good fortune. They both bought Star Wars swords with their Disney dollars. We did get a wheelchair for Scott as his “dropped foot” still slows him down – a LOT. That way, we were all much more comfortable. He resisted just a little bit but in the end, I know he was glad to have the ride.

Still in CA Adventure Lane was riding the huge roller-coasters and other death defying rides with her dad, Uncle Darin & Auntie Dionne while mom watched. After we all went to Aladdin show, we decided to have ice-cream and go back to the pool to swim and relax --- it had been an eventful, delicious day, and for us there was yet another one to enjoy.

Scott and Kurt went home with their families as the kids had to go to school the next day, and Dionne & Darin stayed along with Don & me for an extra day. That evening we ate at the Story Tellers buffet --- it was delicious. Then, we meandered through Downtown Disney and found a wonderful spot to watch the fireworks. By the time they were over, we were ready for bed.

D&D’s tradition when at the Grand California is to get up very early and spend time in the hot tub followed by coffee and a cinnamon roll – we joined their tradition. Afterwards, we wandered through California Adventure and Disneyland going on a few rides, eating lunch (a giant corn dog) and strolling down main street Disney --- a nice way to wind down before our departure about 2. We were ready to be home and see our other 5 kids – Molly, Rollie, Mitzi, Rascal and Millie, the Tukutes who were being wonderfully cared for by Chad & Amy (and Spot, one of Mitzi’s puppies). God had truly blessed our little socks off ---each one of us.

This is yet another time when God’s goodness was evident. As I enjoyed this special time with all the family, my heart filled with pride and wonder at how very much they each mean to me and how very much I love each of them. It’s just a small glimpse into how very much God loves you and me. To love is to see the face of God, and once more He has revealed Himself to me in a precious way.

"For I will pour out water on those who are thirsty, And floods on the dry ground. I will pour out MY SPIRIT on your descendants, And MY Blessing on Scott, Kurt and Dionne and their families. They will spring up among the grass Like willows by the water courses. One will say, 'I am the LORD's' Another will call on the Name of Jesus, And another will write with his hand, 'Belonging to the LORD'." Isaiah 44:3-5